Thursday, February 12, 2009

A testicular projection

My husband is convinced that I have baby rage.

Baby rage is typically defined as the feelings provoked by screaming ovaries at the sight of nommy, cute babies.

You see, we decided to let the whole procreation thing work itself out after being married. I have never been one of those women who HAD HAD HAD to be a mommy. He's never been a guy who HAD HAD HAD to be a daddy.

Babies are cute, but I've never felt like them the way I do about my philosophy products: MUST HAVE THEM. I thought for a very long time I was missing the mommy gene. I kind of still think I am. I'm not a hundred percent sure. Is that normal?

Do women absolutely know when they are ready to have a baby (one that's planned, anyway)?

Even as a little girl, I wanted to play with my plastic Black Beauty, Ginger and Merrylegs and Barbies (sometimes at the same time, but the scale was all goofy and even as a five year old that was bothersome) and not the plastic, peeing baby dolls my relatives would buy me. Just an aside, those urinating dolls are gross and creepy.

Tom and I actually got into a bit of a snit the other day. You know, one of those spousal snits when you're both on the same side of the argument but the man, I mean, one of you doesn't realize it?

He kept saying: "We can't have a baby right now. We can't have a baby right now".

I kept saying: "I know; I don't want a baby right now. I know; I don't want a baby right now. That's why I take that teeny pill every morning".

He kept repeating the above.

I kept repeating my lines until he said something that really freaked me out: "We can start trying this time next year to get pregnant, but not before".

Can a 37 year old woman have a mid-life crisis?

I distinctly felt my ovaries shrink and recede a bit.

I know Tom and I would be good parents. Hell, we have a cat that will be sixteen years old this Saturday with advanced chronic renal failure that is bounding from chair to bed to dresser, eating a ton of food every day and pooping the stinkiest cat poop you've ever smelled. Tom and I even joke we're going to start photographing and cataloging her poo because we simply cannot reconcile the notion that the econo-sized toostie rolls in the litter box came from our tiny cat's bowel.

It's become one of our ongoing jokes and last night I took it to the next level (after the photographing and cataloging) by suggesting that we would bag and freeze it.

Tom then said "And get it bronzed like baby shoes".

He keeps bringing it up. NOT ME.

I think his epidydimus are screaming at him.

I think he's projecting his baby rage onto my ovaries. And as this woman knows, those girls are not things which take testicular projection lightly.

6 comments:

Seeing Eye Chick February 12, 2009 at 2:30 PM  

Babies are very weirdly Zen.

It's only when you relax into the notion that you are never ready to have one, that you get knocked up.

I have no idea what strange reproductive fantasies torment men in their middle years.

Sidhe February 12, 2009 at 3:08 PM  

Strange, very strange...I didn't realize that men suffered from the biological clock thingy.

Seeing Eye is dead on...actually reminds me of marriage, just when you accept that it won't happen, along comes the love of your life...

While I love my child and think he's the best thing since sliced bread, I often wondered what happened to my baby-love gene...it's just not there.

P.S. I think the verification words are recycling themselves. I'm sure I've seen this one before: frusti

Aliceson February 12, 2009 at 3:31 PM  

I think you're right about Tom's baby rage. Men try to pass off real emotion as "Well, she really wants to have a baby" even if she doesn't. I also think it's funny when a man's wife gets pregnant and he's all "WE'RE pregnant." Makes me laugh.

When the time is right, it will happen.

WV: dissed

Arlene February 12, 2009 at 4:59 PM  

I hate to say this, but the most important thing is the person you are with. Everything else is a bonus. The problems start when someone wants something and find they can't have it. Being able to procreate is NOT a right as most people like to think. There are no guarantees in life except death. Just relax and enjoy the person you are with. Live in the moment. If you are meant for a little bonus or two, then great. If it doesn't happen, what is the big deal. There are other ways to share love for others. I think I just ranted. Must be rubbing off. :)

cmacivor February 12, 2009 at 5:23 PM  

I am definitely missing that baby gene. I had a brief flicker at 30 for a week and then I realized, no way. I am happy with my cats and my freedom.

My mom had 2 kids when she was asked to participate in a think tank at Princeton. She could not go because she had 2 kids already and always felt bad about it.

On the other hand, I have a friend who had a bay at 39. One was enough and that child is the light of her life.

I think it all depends on what you want out of life.

cmacivor February 12, 2009 at 5:24 PM  

Baby. She had a baby not a bay. :)

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