Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My laptop, my enemy

I have developed an aversion to my laptop.

It's true.

We have a PC in our home office that basically is Tom's computer. He uses it for his work and to play his online video games.

He is getting a laptop this summer, but I am going to warn him about the hazards with which all laptops should be labeled. [A side note, it should be like those tags on mattresses that are illegal to remove.]

WARNING: Persistent exposure to this device for academic purposes may cause the following:

  • Spontaneous swearing
  • Excessive daydreaming
  • Loss of time
  • Repeatedly counting cursor blinks before striking a single key
  • Inability to think coherently
  • Procrastinationalitis
  • Grammatical incompetence
  • Napping
  • Bumps on forehead from repeated beating with keyboard
  • Memory loss of location of the most important files in your c drive
  • Naming files weird things so that they are memorable (yet causes above)
  • General imbalance of the humor
  • Grouchiness
  • Obsessive blogging disorder
  • Pale skin
  • Alien hand
  • Boogie Fever
~and~I am considering a restraining order on my laptop.

It will not be allowed within 50 yards of my fingers nor will it be allowed to taunt me with its non-empty threats of writer's block.

It has become a toxic relationship and I just hope I don't have to shoot it to put myself out of my misery.


Riot Kitty May 13, 2009 at 4:22 PM  

So what is my excuse for doing all of those things? LOL

Grandpa Eddie May 13, 2009 at 5:57 PM  

I've tried using my wife's laptop, emphasis is on "tried."

I have enough trouble with a full-sized keyboard, that small one drives me nuts....this is also the reason I don't send text messages.

Besides, I've gotten real use to my 22in LCD.

ZIRGAR May 13, 2009 at 8:32 PM  

Good god, I know exactly how you feel. I do everything on my laptop and it can kick my ass from time to time.

James May 14, 2009 at 10:20 AM  

I am right there with you. Sometimes I think it is just evil.

Anonymous,  May 14, 2009 at 11:15 AM  

Wow, I have all of these symptoms. :)

LeftLeaningLady May 14, 2009 at 2:00 PM  

Oh, wow! I have the desktop and my husband has the laptop. I have been jealous for a while that he can sit in the living room and I have to sit at the desk. Thank you for curing my envy!

Plus I hate those keyboards.

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