Showing posts with label morons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label morons. Show all posts

Thursday, January 15, 2009

RWFN: They're losing it big time

Apparently, RWFN haven't just lost an election, they are beginning collectively to lose their minds. As you read the following, ask yourself (as I did): Are we witnessing the beginning of domestic terrorist grassroots here? (More like Ass-roots, but I digress-- enjoy).

The following was written by Brandon Friedman: "Distraught Conservatives Retreating into the Realm of Fantasy" Huff Post:

"I'm not a psychologist, but this is really fascinating if you put it all together: It appears that distraught conservative pundits and bloggers are actually in the midst of collectively retreating into the world of fantasy as a psychological defense mechanism. Let's take a look at three recent exhibits that illustrate what I'm talking about.

Exhibit A: The RedState Army Strike Force

Earlier this month, the most prominent conservative blog, RedState.com, began promoting what they've dubbed the RedState Army Strike Force. They've even gone so far as to design a unit crest reminiscent of an actual military insignia:

This Strike Force is apparently code for a political "field organization." And yes, it's funny. But what makes it a little odd are the periodic posts on the website that use an overabundance of military language when referencing normal political field activity. Like this excerpt from a post by founder Erick Erickson called "Soldiers on the Ground:"

In Kentucky we have only 75 members of the RedState Army of Activists. We need a surge in Kentucky -- we need an army of activists who are willing to pick up the phone and metaphorically kick Mitch McConnell in the nuts as situations warrant.


McConnell either works for our side or he works for the Democrats. But the only people he'll really listen to are in Kentucky. Same with other Senators.

So if you haven't signed up and aren't willing to help, stop the bitching. It's time to deploy the troops and fight.

When faced with the reality that they don't have any field infrastructure remotely close to anything progressives have put together in the past two years, it's almost as if these bloggers start... fantasizing. Like kids. What their project doesn't demonstrate, however, is any in-depth knowledge of field organizing or any seeming long-term commitment to the hard work that accompanies the act of successful political organizing. It's as if, rather than facing up to their electoral failures in 2006 and 2008, they'd rather take solace in pretending to be "warriors" locked in "battle" with their Democratic enemies.

But here's where they really start to make the stampeding retreat into fantasy:

Exhibit B: Repeated References to a Fictional TV Character as a Role Model and Source for Torture Policy

Ryan Powers does the honors for ThinkProgress:

The right wing's love affair with Bauer's use of torture is rooted in fantasy. The so-called "ticking time bomb" scenarios that Bauer often finds himself in and that conservatives cite as instances where torture should be allowed rarely, if ever, occur.

Unfortunately, Powers adds:

If right wingers see Bauer as an example of how to prosecute the war on terror, they might be disheartened to learn that even the man that plays Bauer, actor Keifer Sutherland, doesn't see his character's torture techniques as effective in real life. "You torture someone and they'll basically tell you exactly what you want to hear, whether it's true or not, if you put someone in enough pain," Sutherland said last year.

But that's no matter for your average conservative talking head or blogger. To them, Bauer has become a surrogate -- a stand-in -- for the leaders they wish they had. Even a number of my conservative Facebook friends have begun updating their statuses to praise Mr. Bauer. It's catching on. Thus, while liberals and moderates rally around the upcoming inauguration of a real, actual, charismatic leader and role model, conservatives are left to soothe their scared and broken psyches by taking comfort in the efforts and tribulations of a fictional character on a TV program.

Exhibit C: Making a Regular, Blue-Collar Guy into a War Correspondent who Delivers the News They Want to Hear


Whereas most of America sees a largely incoherent plumber from Ohio wandering cluelessly around Israel with a microphone, conservatives are witnessing the reincarnation of Ernie Pyle before their very eyes. Of course, if you've heard the guy open his mouth, you know this is, indeed, fantasy. But it had to be done. When the bad news delivered by the likes of Nic Robertson, Michael Ware, and Christiane Amanpour reached a crescendo for conservatives toward the end of October, they decided to invent their own reporter. In their own minds, they pined for one who wouldn't challenge their long-held beliefs that Arabs are Muslims and Muslims are bad, that Saddam did 9/11, and that there was no way a man named Barack Hussein Obama could ever be elected as President of the United States.

That trailblazing, fearless reporter for truth became Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher -- a man who, as soon as he got there, proclaimed "the media should be abolished from reporting."

I have to say, though, that of all the recent conservative fantasies, the idea of Joe the Plumber as the voice of conservative American media is the least surprising. That's because it is a persistent belief among many on the Right that training is unnecessary, that education is for elitists, and that wishing hard enough for something can supersede those things.

And I'm okay with all this. To me, it's evolution. By retreating so deeply into this fantasy world of strike forces, pro-torture heroes, and swashbuckling, allied journalists, we're witnessing a self-induced thinning of the herd by conservatives. They're actively choosing not to participate in the reality that is present-day America, instead opting to fall back on the comforting, familiar images of handymen and handsome actors on their television sets.

So much the better for the country. We'll tackle real problems head on -- with real solutions starting next Tuesday. And we will progress without them."


This would be funny if it weren't:


A) True


B) Scary


C) True

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Saturday, December 6, 2008

Warning: this post has words and a tale of caution

You know we live in a scary world when we need a sign telling us to be scared of a sign.

There is some very fine print at the bottom; as far as I can read it says: "Also, the bridge is out ahead".

I think it speaks a lot to human behavior; a lot of stupid human behavior. I imagine people driving to this area, parking a car in front of the sign, obeying the "no driving your car here" sign but stupidly disregarding the "no people" sign, a decision they soon regret.

One cloudy afternoon, not unlike the one in the picture, a couple approach the sign in a glossy, chromed-out Yellow Hummer. A man gets out from the driver's side, a woman from the passenger's. As she steps away from the ostentatious behemoth, a brisk gust lifts the plaid shawl she has draped loosely around her shoulders and she instinctively draws it closer. They stroll toward the water (but really it's a waste pond) there in the distance, as the man holds her left hand in his right. She lazily stokes the sign with her right hand and "OW!" gets a huge metal cut when the sign's edge digs deep into her palm. As she tries to staunch the flow of blood with her Burberry shawl she hears a yelp and looks around.

"Jeff?" she asks hesitantly.

"JEFF!" a little more insistently, panic in her voice.

The man has mysteriously vanished. Police are called, her wound bandaged and the search for Jeff is unable to proceed as the land behind the sign is pocked like swiss cheese with sink holes and quick sand from the toxic waste illegally dumped there.

Twenty years ago so many people got curious about the dilapidated bridge "they" posted a sign to prevent people from breaking limbs by walking on the rotten wood. When sink-holes developed and large patches of quicksand appeared, another sign was placed. Still, stupid people ignored the sign and many more came to an awful end. In desperation to help prevent the needless deaths of hundreds of morons each year, "they" again posted a sign warning about the sign, hoping this at last would be enough to keep ignoramuses at bay.

Alas, we all now know how this tale ends. The woman with the ruined Burberry shawl hires an attorney and files a law suit.

At the trial, the judge dismisses the case on the grounds of "stupidity" and adds: "I can't believe you tried to get 'them' to pay for the dry cleaning of your shawl. And WHY on earth are you still driving a Hummer?"

The dejected woman drives away from the court house. On her way the low fuel light comes on (for the fourth time that week) and lucky for her she notices a Mobile gas station ahead on Main Street where gas is only $6.50 a gallon. She's decides to do some shopping to ease her mind after the dismissal of her law suit and to cushion the blow of losing Jeff to a sink hole or quick sand-- she will never know.

She then sees a sign:

"That's a good deal on shit," she thinks, suddenly feeling better, making a right turn from the left lane without signaling or looking for cars beside her.

Over the honks and the shouts, a sense of calm is restored to the woman. She returns home later that day excitedly emptying her plastic bags. As she tries to decide where to put her purchases she looks at the expiration date below the "Made in China" sticker on her shit, only to discover that the shit has expired.

Yes, we live in a world fraught with peril. Death lurks at every corner and an unending supply of needless outsource-produced shit is at our finger-tips waiting for the hapless and intelligence-challenged. Natural selection and evolution do their parts. It's up to the morons to finish the job.

This ends today's tale with words and a warning this holiday season: Beware of signs that say don't touch them and always check that the shit you buy made in China hasn't already expired.

Happy Saturday to all.

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sarah Palin: America's Newest Millionaire

I read something that makes me feel like I do after I've watched a horrible movie and right before I wonder how I can get my money back. I think to myself: "I'm a way better writer than whoever wrote this screenplay."

Here's what I read today: the illiterate idiot, known as FORMER VP candidate, Sarah Palin, is cruising book agents to sign a deal for a reported SEVEN MILLION dollars. That's right. I was stunned when I read this.

After the most historic election in history, and all of the books that are in the works about our president-elect, how can she even have the gall to attempt to be literate when we all KNOW she isn't? Oh, that's right, I forgot. She's a narcissistic egomaniac (she's also a dick; just like this one). Oh, and I also forgot, she'll have a co-author. She's not writing anything. She. Can't. Possibly. String. Words. Together. Without. Using. Yoda. Syntax.

I want to start a movement (work with me, people) to protest the publishing of ANY book authored by this moron. Any ideas on how to go about this?

O.J.’s book got thrown in the trash.

Let’s send Palin’s garbage there, too.

No wonder she didn't want the Bush tax cuts to expire.

Here's the Millionairess herself pre-$150,000 of clothes, hair, and makeup:

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Monday, November 17, 2008

Elephants, rats, and the merits of gargling

For almost ten years the conservative voices on the "right" in the US have mostly been in harmony. The last several months have turned their harmonious chorus of "small government," "tax cuts for the wealthiest 1%," and "let's go to war" into a cacophony of "holy sh*t," and "I'm conservative, but not THAT kind of conservative (re: Palin)" and "what the H do we do now?" All one needs to do is look at the number of high-profile Republicans who abandoned the sinking Palin- McCain, um, I mean McCain-Palin ship. Chris Buckley resigned from his own FATHER'S publication the National Review over his endorsement of Barack Obama. Just yesterday, David Frum wrote about our president elect using his middle name (as if we should fear him because his middle name is "Hussein;" get over it). A few weeks ago he got his ass handed to him by my newest hero, Rachel Maddow; (see if you can count the number of times he blinks). He's also resigning from NR. What is wrong with these people?

As the Elephants scramble to pick up the peanuts, the left leaning side of our country is finally clearing its collective throat. It's just in the nick of time. I am convinced that the increase in blogging activity and message boards on the web has expanded the extent to which Americans will go in attempts at establishing a dialogue. There are some particularly stupid people who have access to the web and in flexing their 1st Amendment rights are spewing the most ignorant crap (see this moron; like Palin, go 'way now). However, I have been finding more and more blogs by people who are rallying the troops, educating themselves on the issues, and are finding a way to stay connected to others with like minds in this hectic, economically terrifying time.

I know we won't ever completely be rid of the lowest of the low in terms of uneducated racists and bigots, but we sure can try to raise our own voices, talk to people we know, meet and greet new people ("Hiya; welcome to post-Bush 43 America. Would you like a side of social consciousness and Democracy with that?"), and do our best to keep the morons penned (pun intended) in the circus tents where they belong.

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Sunday, November 9, 2008

The idiots have landed

So, I wake up slowly like I do most Sunday mornings. I have a cup of coffee (maybe, not much of a coffee drinker) and spend the morning multi-tasking, flipping between Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer, Meet the Press (I miss Tim Russert) and Face the Nation while I read the New York Times online and Huffington Post (among others). One recent addition to this morning ritual is reading some blogs that I have come to enjoy thoroughly (see list above).

I'm not going to let the idiots who have hijacked one of my FAVORITE blogs spill onto mine. But, I am pissed (sorry Donna or Dad if you are reading this :).

Here's what I am repeating to myself (and will continue to do so all day today):

I believe in the power and justice of the first Amendment, regardless of how many f**kwits to which it gives voice.

I believe that our country is going to get back on track, regardless of the unrelenting forces, mostly from those whose choice for President didn't get elected who are acting like cornered, wounded, wild animals, that are trying to keep us divided.

I believe that I have seen a new America and it's beautiful again.

That's what I'll be saying to myself all day. Trying to bask in the glow that is post-Bust 43 America.

May we all come together in the spirit of peace, courage, and understanding, even though apparently, the Idiots have landed.

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