You know it's X-Mas when folks start having parties

If we were having an X-Mas party the planning list might look something like this:

• Arrange living room furniture for conversation groups
• Set up chairs in office for a second conversation room
• Throw piles of clean laundry into closet to hide from guests
• Throw piles of dirty laundry into bags (into same closet, if room)
• Put bills, unopened junk mail, catalogs into plastic bag (into same closet, if room)
• Clean: fridge, bathroom, kitchen countertops
• Bathroom: place hundreds of toiletries piled on vanity into plastic bag and hide in linen closet
• Iron linens and wash wine and champagne glasses
• Hide porn, lube, and sex aids (okay, that one's a joke, I swear, Dad)
• Grocery shop (a separate list)
• Emma's boxes
• Replace tea light candles in holders (about 25 of them total)
• Hang clean hanging clothes in either walk-in or narrow closet (if room after everything else in there).
• Find new spot for bags of dirty clothes (maybe trunk of car?)
  
• Fluff pillows on bed for guest to put coats

I won't bore you with the grocery list, but I can tell you, it wouldn't look like this one (from found.com):

All I want to know is: what the hell are nose pills, what kind of party is this, and why am I not invited?

Hope you all had a great Tuesday.

Message for Wednesday: smile at strangers. It will make you feel good.

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Warning: this post has words and a tale of caution

You know we live in a scary world when we need a sign telling us to be scared of a sign.

There is some very fine print at the bottom; as far as I can read it says: "Also, the bridge is out ahead".

I think it speaks a lot to human behavior; a lot of stupid human behavior. I imagine people driving to this area, parking a car in front of the sign, obeying the "no driving your car here" sign but stupidly disregarding the "no people" sign, a decision they soon regret.

One cloudy afternoon, not unlike the one in the picture, a couple approach the sign in a glossy, chromed-out Yellow Hummer. A man gets out from the driver's side, a woman from the passenger's. As she steps away from the ostentatious behemoth, a brisk gust lifts the plaid shawl she has draped loosely around her shoulders and she instinctively draws it closer. They stroll toward the water (but really it's a waste pond) there in the distance, as the man holds her left hand in his right. She lazily stokes the sign with her right hand and "OW!" gets a huge metal cut when the sign's edge digs deep into her palm. As she tries to staunch the flow of blood with her Burberry shawl she hears a yelp and looks around.

"Jeff?" she asks hesitantly.

"JEFF!" a little more insistently, panic in her voice.

The man has mysteriously vanished. Police are called, her wound bandaged and the search for Jeff is unable to proceed as the land behind the sign is pocked like swiss cheese with sink holes and quick sand from the toxic waste illegally dumped there.

Twenty years ago so many people got curious about the dilapidated bridge "they" posted a sign to prevent people from breaking limbs by walking on the rotten wood. When sink-holes developed and large patches of quicksand appeared, another sign was placed. Still, stupid people ignored the sign and many more came to an awful end. In desperation to help prevent the needless deaths of hundreds of morons each year, "they" again posted a sign warning about the sign, hoping this at last would be enough to keep ignoramuses at bay.

Alas, we all now know how this tale ends. The woman with the ruined Burberry shawl hires an attorney and files a law suit.

At the trial, the judge dismisses the case on the grounds of "stupidity" and adds: "I can't believe you tried to get 'them' to pay for the dry cleaning of your shawl. And WHY on earth are you still driving a Hummer?"

The dejected woman drives away from the court house. On her way the low fuel light comes on (for the fourth time that week) and lucky for her she notices a Mobile gas station ahead on Main Street where gas is only $6.50 a gallon. She's decides to do some shopping to ease her mind after the dismissal of her law suit and to cushion the blow of losing Jeff to a sink hole or quick sand-- she will never know.

She then sees a sign:

"That's a good deal on shit," she thinks, suddenly feeling better, making a right turn from the left lane without signaling or looking for cars beside her.

Over the honks and the shouts, a sense of calm is restored to the woman. She returns home later that day excitedly emptying her plastic bags. As she tries to decide where to put her purchases she looks at the expiration date below the "Made in China" sticker on her shit, only to discover that the shit has expired.

Yes, we live in a world fraught with peril. Death lurks at every corner and an unending supply of needless outsource-produced shit is at our finger-tips waiting for the hapless and intelligence-challenged. Natural selection and evolution do their parts. It's up to the morons to finish the job.

This ends today's tale with words and a warning this holiday season: Beware of signs that say don't touch them and always check that the shit you buy made in China hasn't already expired.

Happy Saturday to all.

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Bah Humbug, Beg 3. Only coal for you in your stockings.

Bah Humbug.

I say that because I am so confused and angry about the Big 3.

I posted on this a few weeks ago, but it is still an on-going issue and the CEOs and UAW leaders go way beyond the naughty list to the "consciously unrepentant" list.

The "Beg" 3 automakers continue their attempt to get government support for their terrible business models and even crappier vehicle models. What irks me is that GM HAD an electric car (they subsequently crushed all of them) in the 1990s. Now we are expected to shell out billions of dollars to union stooges who, while lining their own pockets, are in DC with hands out, palms up, waiting for congress to write them an enormous check?

Don't misunderstand me. I feel horribly for the families this will affect. Please read these highlighted comments. They are a fearful glimpse of what might happen to real people in real places if the American Auto Empire falls. I do not blame the workers, but blame the company and the union leaders; make them culpable. Don't make us foot the bill when folks like us are struggling to get to the first of the month and drooling for student loan money that is coming in January.

This year I am giving home-made gifts to family. We cannot afford to shop, our cat got sick and the vet bills have taken over what we had in savings. But we can still afford to visit loved ones, which is priceless, and X-Mas isn't about stuff anyway-- we get it. Besides, who would want to deal with all the crazies at the stores:



I say let them file for bankruptcy protection (let the BANKS bail them out using some of that 700 billion they already got from us). Restructuring will clean house and prevent them from coming back in a month asking for more. The current bailout of 34 billion is just a start-- it's grown 9 billion over the last two weeks even with the selling of their corporate jet fleet and token driving to DC in their hybrid cars (*hmph*). Some experts say 90 billion is needed to get them out of the hole. You know me and big numbers:

90,000,000,000.00

None of us will ever see that many zeros in a ten thousand lifetimes. Neither should the Beg 3.

Thanks, Aliceson, for your input and sharing that blog. Everyone should see the human side to this.

PS: Today's Daily Confucius below is so synchronous with this post: He who will not economize will have to agonize. Let the Big 3 take this to heart.

"American Triplets" Mike Lane, Baltimore Maryland
Christmas shoppers, Eric Allie, Chicago

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