Thursday, April 30, 2009

It's all going to hell in a bicycle basket

Wednesday's are my government appointed day to grocery shop.

After I show my state-issued shopping ID and my loyal party-of-red card to the greeter at Wal-mart, I go to pick out a cart.

Once inside, I am generally underwhelmed by the selection. Socialism isn't just on its way, folks. It's here.

When I am in the cereal aisle I am bored by the lack of choices. When are they going to give us some options?

After perusing the small shop's 25 aisles and mile-long perimeter, I get herded into line in lane 40-- only to be faced with numerous government run magazines: People, Cosmo, TV Guide, Daily Horoscope, and The National Inquirer.

Recently I was perusing Gardening Today about the imperialist "victory" garden the first lady planted on the White House grounds. I heard there's plans to paint the White House red. Soon no one in DC will be able to buy arugula; the Red House will be the only source at four hundred Yuan a bunch.

As I hand the government worker behind the register my grocery ration punch card, I wistfully remember the good old days of the Bush era, when all we had to think about was terrorist threats from every imaginable source. Remember the caches of weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq, and all of the reliable information we got from those "people" using torture?

I don't know about you, but I feel a whole lot safer now that the USA is the USSA-- the United Socialist States of America.

Tom and I talk about the days, years from now, when we will be able to tell the grandkids that we helped elect Chairman Barack Obama as we watch his daughter, Her Highness Queen Malia Obama, on government channel one.


A World Quite Mad April 30, 2009 at 12:56 PM  

Shouldn't it be "loyal party-of-blue card"? I mean because the Republicans are red, and the democrats are blue, and therefore, socialism is blue. Yes. It has a color.

But wait, Communism is red... that must make the communists closet Republicans.

Riot Kitty April 30, 2009 at 2:14 PM  

Hahaha! What's scary is that some people must be reading this and going, "Amen!"

Aliceson April 30, 2009 at 2:15 PM  

Ha! That is a very funny way of breaking it down. And Cosmo as a government run magazine? Now that would be something!

Grandpa Eddie April 30, 2009 at 3:18 PM  

Ahhh...a little satire makes the day so much sweeter.

I do feel your pain of the Wally World shopping, that's about all we can afford anymore.

Unknown April 30, 2009 at 7:08 PM  

Cosmo a govt rag? All the years women all over the country--and some homosexuals learned the art of felacio--tax payer supported felacio.

Its almost like tax day with a real T-bag.

Sidhe April 30, 2009 at 9:34 PM  

This reminds me of the Handmaid's Tale, and also reminds me that our country is in more danger of falling to the so-called Silent Majority (didn't they rename the US to Gilead or something like that?) than to these so-called Socialists...

Unknown May 1, 2009 at 7:26 AM  

You can say what you want about this country ... and I love it here; I wouldn't live anywhere else.

I love the freedoms we used to have.
I loved when it didn't take a natural disaster for us to care for one another longer than five minutes at a time.
I loved it when I wasn't on a camera somewhere indoors and outdoors, on the street, from every conceivable angle.
When I didn't have to explain the meaning of the words "water boarding and torture to my grandson."

Even more when folks did not refer to me as "Comrade."


skyewriter May 1, 2009 at 9:12 AM  

Thanks, All, for the comments.

Hi to you, Don. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a note.

I agree-- I love this country and wouldn't live anywhere else. I wish we more people would be kinder to each other... it's free and is about the only thing these days that is.

We cannot drive down the road or go into a dressing room without being surveilled. In some cases, I know those cameras have been used to catch criminals (the Markoff Craigs'list guy, for example). But inside our homes is the only place left with a modicum of privacy.

I especially miss the days when I did not know what water-boarding was and that our government wrote memos "legalizing" it.

Hope you have a good weekend.

A World Quite Mad May 1, 2009 at 10:59 AM  

///"I especially miss the days when I did not know what water-boarding was and that our government wrote memos "legalizing" it."///

I feel like such a nerd now. I knew what waterboarding was before all this, because I've read one too many books on the middle ages and the Inquisition >.<

ZIRGAR May 2, 2009 at 3:37 AM  

Did you both wear matching olive drab uniforms? lol

Unknown May 2, 2009 at 3:57 AM  

I wanna be a card-carrying member.

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