Monday, December 8, 2008

Dear Santa

I know I'm not exactly on the good list this year, but I want to make an argument why I shouldn't be on the naughty list. Hopefully after reading this you will have a clearer decision about which to put me on.

Okay, so those terrible things I said about Sarah Palin (you know, your co-worker since the North Pole is so close to her Alaska state thingy. Watch out for that one, she might think she's qualified to do your job). I meant every word, but in a constructive way. I'm a teacher and can't stand uncurious, intellectually lazy people. Please give her a brain, like the wizard did for the Scarecrow.

Now, about mean trolls on internet blogs. I can't help but give them reading material so that they have facts instead of fantasy to support their arguments. Maybe give them all almanacs so at the very minimum they can look up stuff that's a bit more reliable than Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limberger.

The 58,000,000 Americans who voted for McLame/Saling (as in selling). Please give them back a shred of their dignity and help them see that people who voted for the guy who won ARE NOT their enemies. Maybe give them copies of Obama's _The Audacity of Hope_? Might be a good way for them to get to know a little bit about our soon-to-be commander in chief.

About the thunderous blast of gas I let fly in that big box store. I know I tried to pawn it off on the old lady perusing the tomato sauces with me. I'm sorry for that, but I knew I could get away from it quicker than she could. . .

I'm sorry for the parking spot incident on July 15. It was hot and I had been trolling around for ten minutes and I SAW THE SPOT FIRST, DAMMIT!

About that jar of apple sauce I dropped in the grocery store in April. I looked for someone to give me a mop. Surely you saw me look up and down the aisle before slinking away and getting in line at the registers as quickly as I could? See.
I tried. . .

I know this is an old one, but it might explain my naughty status for several years now. Yes, I DID IT! It was me that stole and xeroxed the chemistry final sophomore year in HS. I didn't sell it to the thirty people I shared it with, though. That should count for something and I've NEVER done anything like it since. . .

And last but not least, my short-comings in terms of writing my dissertation, I have been very consistent in writing my blog. Please give all my readers a million dollars each to thank them for the traffic on my blog.

To those that post comments, two million.

So as you're making your final checks, think of me wearing these:

I promise to try to do better next year.
Have a safe flight; I'll leave out the cookies (and some egg nog, too) in case you might pop by.



Aliceson December 8, 2008 at 5:46 PM  

Google's toatlly screwing with me today. Or maybe it's the weather, snowing again.

Great Letter to Santa!

I hope the man in red can look past broken glass at the grocery store for me too... Enchilada sauce in September.

And 2 mil in this economy is just being greedy, I'll settle for 1 mil. Just doing my part.

Seeing Eye Chick December 8, 2008 at 6:49 PM  

I blamed my Flatulence on the same old lady.

Must be Karma!

Sidhe December 9, 2008 at 5:58 AM  

I'm still trying to resolve the image in my mind of you farting in the store and passing it off as some unsuspecting old lady's gas. I think your sense of smell diminishes with age, so she probably didn't even notice it...I'm sure Santa understands (then again he is old...).

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