Thursday, August 27, 2009

Return to Cinnamon

I seems strange how change has returned in a way it hasn't in some time now.

I can feel "me" again.

I noticed a large "twin" maple in our neighbor's yard yesterday (pic forthcoming). It is h-u-g-e. Old. Steady.

I told Tom: "I want to go talk to that tree."

He choked on his coffee.

For most of my life, I had a deep connection to nature. I loved the outdoors, creatures in it, rocks, trees. I have had many times when I have felt my connection to the greater Gaia strongly.

Maybe it was easier when I was younger, living in Montauk, NY. Being close to the water. Hitch-hiking, mountain biking and living my life just as free as any young *man* would... I went out alone for happy hour and spent lots of time just writing and being. My only possessions: one suitcase of clothes, two boxes of books, and my bike. I was a nomad for a long time. People called me the Cinnamon Girl (long amber hair, free spirit, independent).

But when my mom got cancer in the mid-nineties I was called upon by my family to return to their lives and help care for her.

So began my slow process of losing my connection to myself. I have a great family; they just thought it was a bit odd that I liked to go sit in the grass for an hour and do nothing other than breathe.

Add my own diagnosis with cancer in 1997 (irrefutable proof to me that I was *not* my body; but as to what I am, what we all are, still not sure); after that, a five year abusive relationship with one of the biggest mooches on the planet, and a general stumbling around in my little life.

I fell into grad school. Waded through first years of teaching and coursework, partying a lot (until I met Tom). Feeling that the days of Cinnamon were lost forever, but chasing after them thinking that I would find her again at the bottom of a Ketel One dirty, dry martini.

It seems she's right where I left her. In the care of the trees and the grass and the earth. You may notice a change in my blog for the coming weeks. I don't know.

I feel the need to turn toward something more positive, less snarky, a small patch of peace away from all of chaos and hate of these psychotic battles over the finite "things" I see when I read or watch news.

It's time for me to spend some time outside again... outside the anger and sadness consuming so many lives. Political Skye will still be here; she just may not shout as loudly.

Happy Thursday, All.


Shady Lady August 27, 2009 at 1:21 PM  

Skye, what a beautiful post! I actually have tears in my eyes. I really like this old Skye. She feels so peaceful and grounded. I like political Skye, but this old Skye is really cool.

themom August 27, 2009 at 1:23 PM  

We all need to get away from the chaos and confusion at times. Find some peace and enjoy.

Chris August 27, 2009 at 1:26 PM  

I can't tell you how I'm with you on this! I'm 60 now, and from this perspective, I can say that you are on the right path of self discovery, and every so often you will go through it again.....and again......and again....this is a good thing!! It means you are paying attention.......

Anonymous,  August 27, 2009 at 3:40 PM  

Go talk to the trees, smell the air, listen to the birdsong. It's what keeps me sane.

I completely understand your need to get away from the snarky. I felt the same way after the election, and now, I only occasionally post on such matters.

You sound a bit like myself. I used to go to happy hour alone and take my journal, too.

Floundered around a bit with the wrong men. Family obligations pulled when I wanted to run.

Obey your bliss. Do not ignore what your body and mind are trying to tell you. There is a reason for it.

Here's hoping that you get to spend some quality time with the trees soon.

Riot Kitty August 27, 2009 at 4:50 PM  

You are a survivor indeed! I love the song "Cinnamon Girl."

mikeb302000 August 28, 2009 at 3:38 AM  

Skye, Thanks for that beautiful post. I wish you all the very best.

Cosa Nostradamus August 28, 2009 at 7:10 PM  

Say hello to the trees for me.

A Fellow Druid
"Take care of your soul and it will take care of you."

P.S. Now, mountain-biking on LI, THAT takes moxie! A hundred+ miles and straight through NYC to the nearest mountain. See you in New Paltz, some day, Cinnie!

; )


Anonymous,  August 29, 2009 at 3:30 PM  

You've walked through many doors and have returned to a place you had forgotten...Cinnamon. How wonderful to reconnect with yourself after all these years.

My blog started as a snarky political blog, but I have been watching my words more closely and trying to use my blog more for good.

As I feel and show more kindness and love toward myself, I feel more love and kindness toward others and mother earth. Gaia indeed...we're all part of the same energy and can use that energy to glow and bring more love to this world that so needs it.

Sidhe August 29, 2009 at 3:49 PM  

Hey! Great to see *you* again.

LeftLeaningLady August 31, 2009 at 10:09 AM  

Skye, finding yourself is the best thing you can do for you, but also for those who care about you and for the rest of the world.

We will be here. Take your time.

Anonymous,  September 1, 2009 at 11:31 PM  

You got a tear out of me.... and that's hard to do.

Diana September 5, 2009 at 3:57 PM  

I am happy to hear you have found some old ground to rely on now. I'm sure that must feel wonderful. Now if you could just put a little of it in a jar and mail it to me, that would be perfect!

hope peace prevails... but your political insight has been a great encouragement to me.

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