AADD: American Attention and Deficit Disorder

I'm convinced that some Americans may be suffering from a clinical case of AADD: American Attention and Deficit Disorder.

First, those suffering from AADD have memory loss. Symptoms may include:

• Blatant denial of causes for the financial meltdown
• Memory loss is localized to the recall of the past eight years
• Revising the causes of the huge deficit
  

Second, those suffering from AADD exhibit signs of exponential impatience. Symptoms may include:

• Demanding that the president who has been in office for eight weeks FIX EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!!!
• A national media that is obsessed with pitting parties and segments of the country against one another for ratings.
  
• Denial of the calendar year. The Dems may have a bad day, but how about that GOP in 2012?

Third, those suffering from AADD may behave and converse in an irrational manner. Symptoms include:

• Erratic and inconsistent interviews performed by politicians who clearly have no clue what the average American is enduring these days
• High pitched games of verbal "hot potato" where it's no one's fault, but everyone's fault at the same time
• Unpredictable shifts in the blame game: "it's the banks' fault"; "it's poor people's fault"; "it's Wall Street's fault"; "it's the purple-ceramic-gnome-in-my-yard-that-talks-to-me fault"
• Claiming that health insurance is not part of the economic crisis
• Condoning torture and bragging about it on the news
  

Seek immediate medical attention if you suffer from any of the following:

• Restful nights
• Delusions of grandeur
• Excessive use of the word "no"
• Blatant denials of underhanded government decisions (see Chris Dodd-f*cker)
• A lack of stability
• Difficulty walking and chewing gum at the same time
  
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Explosive diarrhea of the mouth
• Bruising on head from hitting it against the wall
• Winding ass and scratching watch
• Erectile dysfunction or an erection if you don't have a penis
  
• Near death experiences
• Spontaneous seances
• Urges to start a food fight in the bakery at the grocery store
  

Some preventative measures:

• Take regular breaths in and out
• Avoid overexposure to TV crews
• Avoid excessive amounts of TV viewing, particularly the news
• Read a good book
• Donate time to a worthy charity
• Smile, though your heart is breaking
• Stop using the stock market as a barometer to measure the recovery
• Hug and kiss those you love often
• Swear every now and then to release tension
• Walk your dog
• Make yourself a nice cup of tea using a tea ball instead of a teabag
  
• Laugh, laugh, laugh because if you don't, you may cry, cry, cry

For lost causes, please contact your local animal control officer and spay or neuter any person who refuses treatment for this disorder.