Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sunday sin talk, blasphemy, and zombies

Tom and I won some cash in the Powerball last night: 3 bucks.

Not bad for a $1 investment.

So many things happened this week that made me think: "Oooh, I need to blog about that."

Alas, my fried cerebral cortex cannot recall a single one. I think it wants out of this dissertation gig and keeps trying to squish into my frontal lobe. Abstraction only! No more thoughts or language!

So instead of worshiping in a house of the Lord this fine, sunny Sunday, ('cause we never do) some comments from yesterday (and this AM, thanks seeing eye) got me thinking about religion and its numerous mechanisms of control (read: sin) and brain zombification (read: academic writing).



Any of you zombie movie fans? I wasn't until I met my husband and honestly, they are among the creepiest in the horror genre in my opinion.

We were watching 28 Days Later shortly after we entered the sleep-over-of-sin phase of courtship (but prior to the living-in-sin phase) and Tom wanted to watch this movie in my room, in the dark, while it was storming outside.

I am not a squeamish gal, either. I like a good scare. But those fast-running, red-eyed, filthy, gorey, unholy not-dead scared the shit right out of me.

I asked Tom: "What would we do? I mean, if this really happened and the world was filled with a plague that turned people into flesh eating, blood-puking zombies?"

[An aside, I could insert a swipe at our current political climate, but maybe later.]

We occupy the entire second story of an old, post-Civil War home-- so we're not ground level.

"Well," Tom began thoughtfully, "we'd get as many supplies as we could, board up the windows and doors and wait for help to come or until the zombies ran out of food."

There are 15 windows in our apartment. Three exit doors and three staircases. Basically we live in second-story Swiss cheese (ladders provided) with some plaster between the holes in the walls.

I think I fell in love with him that very moment.

Also, because the attic in the ceiling above is poorly ventilated and (I don't think) insulated, in the summer we get heat radiating from below us and above us (opposite in the winter). So when the power grid goes down, we'll either turn into popsicles or nice crispy pork rolls both of which I am sure will please the discerning zombie culinary crowd. One good thing: our place is 80% hard wood floors. We could use that for kindling if the zombie pandemic occurred in the cooler months.

Another thing that is really on our side: we are married right proper. So when the end-of days comes (*cough* *achoo* *sniff*) we can at least rest somewhat safe knowing that we said some vows and signed a contract and bought rings for each other.

I could end this with some snarky remark about how religion rots people's brains (I wonder if that matters to a zombie?) or atrophies growth in the cerebral cortex (certainly a matter of portion size to a hard-working zombie).

Or that some theology is an interesting experiment in entertaining the notion of ghosts, an afterlife, and a dude arisen from the grave.

I guess I am too much of a humanist to put my faith in anyone other than living people.

When the Army of zombies finally takes to the streets, and not just to throw tea bags into bodies of fresh water, know that I will miss you all dearly and will remember the pre-apocalyptic days when we engaged in witty banter and exchanged snarks online in the spirit of true facetiousness (not fascismness-- to any zombie trolls) .

A programming note: my posts and commenting on my favorite blogs (there on the roll to the right) will be sporadic this week.

I am finishing final revisions on my dissertation and submitting it to the committee early next week (defense is scheduled for 5.19). So the craziness and hair rending shall ensue and I don't want to bleed all over my blog and you fine, decent people.

PS: Thanks True Blue Texan for the award; I am deeply honored and vow to post on it as soon as I can!

25 comments:

pottersfield April 26, 2009 at 12:28 PM  

ROFLMAO! You are so funny! Thanks for this.

Sidhe April 26, 2009 at 12:29 PM  

I'll be on the watch for those zombies as well as for a little bit of that sun...

Grandpa Eddie April 26, 2009 at 12:30 PM  

1) Congrats on the Powerball Win, I think our dollar was a big loser last night.
2)No matter what Tom told you, Zombies can only function in the dark.
3)Religion rots the brain.

James April 26, 2009 at 12:37 PM  

I am never disappointed when I visit here, skyewriter.

Great post!

willpen April 26, 2009 at 12:49 PM  

Skye,

I have tried to keep my promise to myself to limit the amount of time that I spend in the world inter-tubes and blogs, but it feels good to finally have some free time to indulge myself, once again, in the world of blogs.

I too have been crazy trying to adapt my life to the new economic reality that we all have been living through. My cerebral cortex is just a mere ghost of what it used to be.

Once again, you have made a simple Sunday post into something wonderful to read. I have missed coming here to read your thoughts.

Good luck with the dissertation. I know you will shine through it.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher April 26, 2009 at 12:53 PM  

Loved your Sunday post. Came from True Blue's.

skyewriter April 26, 2009 at 12:56 PM  

You are the people that make this blog worthwhile... pottersfield, Sidhe, Grandpa Eddie, James, and.... Willpen!

So nice to hear from you.

Glad my sinful zombie mediation was enjoyable. I had fun writing it (which is more than I can say about any other writing I am doing at this point).

Cheers and Happy Sunday All!

skyewriter April 26, 2009 at 12:58 PM  

Thanks PHST: Didn't see your comment until after I posted mine.

Glad to have you stop by... you are welcome anytime.

I checked out your blog, too, and look forward to reading your archives.

A World Quite Mad April 26, 2009 at 1:17 PM  

I never win anything with the lottery, it's rare that I get even one number right.

And don't forget to stock up on shotguns! Those work well against zombies... or you could get a Mace of Disruption +1, that works well on all undead. ;)

skyewriter April 26, 2009 at 1:27 PM  

WQM: Thanks for stopping by again.

I left you a message over a Grandpa Eddie's. I have been reading your blog and trying to comment but cannot (not with openid, blogger or wrodpress login). I wanted you to know I think your blog is a riot and I look forward to the updates in my blog roll.

I'll keep trying to comment :).

catherinemacivor.com April 26, 2009 at 1:28 PM  

Hey Skye, that was fun! What a cute Sunday post. ;)

(I do miss your rants though and you are overdue.)

Good luck with the academic wrangling. You'll do well.

Aliceson April 26, 2009 at 1:52 PM  

Atropied brains, sounds familiar in my Christian community. But really what do you need a brain for if you leave it all up to God?

Good luck this week finishing up your diss!

Seeing Eye Chick April 26, 2009 at 3:39 PM  

Wow, this post gives a whole new meaning to the phrase:

"Suck the Head!"

I wrote something about zombies a long time ago. But it was a rant against popular idiot culture, Christianity didn't figure into it in a big way.

Nice Twist. LOL

Love the Fugly Cartoon! That was just wrong and bad.

I dont know what to tell the tin foil hatters---Bullets don't kill zombies. Only Decapitation kills zombies. Everyone knows that! So all this ammo hording will mean nothing without some good machates.

I sleep well every night knowing I have a whole bed of garlic to keep Vampires away, a machate for zombies, holy water for soliciters, and cootie spray for icky republicans!

I have a tin foil hat and a cooler full of twinkies and guiness--What could possibly go wrong?!

Riot Kitty April 26, 2009 at 4:23 PM  

Oh that cartoon is the best! Just the title of your post makes it a must-send to my husband, too ;)

skyewriter April 26, 2009 at 4:49 PM  

Catherine: Yes, I am overdue for a rant, but I am saving it for when I need to take it out on some news item during the week.

As ever, Aliceson, thanks for stopping by and the constant support for my diss.

Seeing Eye: Yes, Machetes are a must. I wonder if pepper spray does any good either?

Thanks, Riot Kitty, for stopping by. I really appreciate it. I hope your hubby enjoys it.

Cheers all!

Dr. Jay SW April 26, 2009 at 7:31 PM  

Personally, I'd take zombies over teabaggers anyday....

Seeing Eye Chick April 26, 2009 at 9:10 PM  

Duh, me no spell GOOD.

Machetes.

:P

skyewriter April 26, 2009 at 9:19 PM  

If civilization descends into the living being preyed upon by the scary, nasty, not-definitively-dead, I don't think spelling will be the biggest issue, seeing eye. :)

Altho' given some of my undergraduates I have to wonder if that time may have already arrived...

skyewriter April 26, 2009 at 9:20 PM  

Sorry, Dr. J: I forgot to thank you for stopping by-- I enjoy your rapier wit on your blog.

ZIRGAR April 26, 2009 at 10:00 PM  

Mmmmmmmm, zombies. Nothing a good shotgun, chainsaw, or logspliiter couldn't handle. I should know. Great blog!

PS--good luck on your dissertation. You'll do fine :-)

skyewriter April 26, 2009 at 10:11 PM  

Thanks, ZIRGAR. Right back at you (great blog). :)

Cosa Nostradamus April 27, 2009 at 12:56 AM  

.
It's frightening how little people know about zombies, and dezombification. A few simple precautions can protect your home and family against intrusion and brain-eating by the walking dead.

1. Play funeral-home music and spray mortician's air freshener everywhere. Zombies are repelled by both. (But then, who isn't? It works on financial planners and vacuum-cleaner salespeople, also.)2. Disinter any and all pets and relatives buried in your yard. Zombies are attracted by graveyards and dead things. Re-inter the corpses in a neighbor's yard, preferably someone you don't like.

3. Remove all Haitian and Louisianan souvenirs, food products and ritual objects; except McElhenny's original Tabasco sauce, which can be used as an anti-zombid. The garlic flavor works even better, but the green jalapeno flavor has little or no effect. The habanero is overdoing it.

4. Burn all Stephen King books. Nothing to do with zombies. They just suck. Your fundamentalist neighbors will enjoy the literary bonfire, and possibly omit you from their next shotgun rampage.

5. Get zombie insurance. This will require complete dezombification of your home and pets by a certified dezombifier. I happen to be one, and I can offer you a substantial discount for cash sent through the mail to the abandoned house at the end of my street. Small, unmarked bills only, please. Your dezombification certificate will be in the mail as soon as I have verified the authenticity of your bills at a bank or tavern.

Have a safe and zombie-free day.

And thanks for the link and the comment.
.

skyewriter April 27, 2009 at 8:31 PM  

Thanks for stopping by, Cosa Nostradamus.

Loved your suggestions to zombie-proof in the event of a zombie pandemic.

I have also thought that perhaps escaping to an island might be good (one that is clean and free of the zombie-bug).

I don't think zombies can float. Unlike witches who may come to rule the world after the zombies have eaten all the un-raptured sinners.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Cosa Nostradamus April 27, 2009 at 10:56 PM  

.
You're forgetting the Royal Zombie Navy, the Royal Zombie Marines, and the Royal Zombie Synchronized Swimming Team. We've had to train our dolphins to make annoyingly high-pitched squeaky noises to keep the undead mariners at bay.

Which still doesn't explain "Waterworld."

The Turtle Bay Hilton here is accepting bookings for the Rapture Weekend. Rates are a little high, but what does it matter? You can't take it with you.

Their sign says "JESUS IS COMING," and underneath that is a spray-painted sign saying, "TWO SHOWS NIGHTLY!"

Midnight shows are always better.
.

skyewriter April 27, 2009 at 11:38 PM  

The Royal Zombie Synchronized Swimming Team! LMAO!!!!

That's a great visual... makes me think of SNL from the Martin Short/Christopher Guest years.

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