Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dad's tighty whities

I can always tell I need cheering up when I start looking at my horoscope. My horoscope from The Onion today:

"While it's true that the universe works in mysterious ways, it's becoming pretty clear what it has against you."

My guesses would be writer's block and the mysterious force that is keeping my checking account balance consistently below 50 bucks. I need a good chuckle today.

Ten things that make me laugh (or gross me out, but still make me laugh):


1. People falling down

2. The "humorous" section of the greeting cards at Target

3. People bumping into things

4. Glamour Shots

5. When anyone sneezes (coughs, laughs) and farts at the same time

6. Drinkable yogurt, go-gurt, yogurt in a tube (ew).

7. Projectile vomiting (someone else doing it)

8. Extra fancy Ketsup

9. The word "shituation"

10. My dad packing a pair of underwear for the gym thinking it was his, but really it was his wife's with one of his waistbands sown onto it (sorry dad). It was either wear those home, or put the dirty ones back on. I never asked him which he chose . . .


If you have anything to add, please feel free. As I said, I need a good chuckle.


Seeing Eye Chick November 20, 2008 at 8:07 PM  

I cant get past the Skibbies.. I just cant. Oh Man!

I will have to think on this. Meditate, Reflect and then Projectile Vomit Gogurt after bumping into something while farting and sneezing.

Seeing Eye Chick November 20, 2008 at 8:11 PM  

Oh--Then it came to me:

Testicular Scratching.

What is it about Guys scratching their genital region where everyone can see them? I mean if I did that, the Douche Wagon would come and carry me off for a forced bath ala Monster's Inc 2219 scene.

And they always look you in the eye, like they actually believe that if they draw your attention to their face, your peripheral vision wont catch the deed--the SCRATCH!

DUH--How do they think we can shop, watch the kids run the aisles and find the sale items on the bottom shelf--We SEE everything!


I have two Suggestions: Soap and Powder!
Try it.

I understand if you delete this comment.

skyewriter November 20, 2008 at 9:38 PM  

No way am I going to delete that comment. TESTICULAR SCRATCHING! I always am creeped out by the somewhat detached look in their eyes when they do it. Catching someone pulling out a wedgie is pretty gross and funny (as long as they're not the same person touching all the produce while simultaneously scratching their junk). Soap and powder in aisle 10!

My hubby and I sometimes try to gross each other out (it's the only kind of entertainment we can afford at the moment). You may not ever return after reading what I am about to write (I hope you do), but it makes us both laugh until we cry (tears, holding of the tummy, bending over).

We talk about having a party with gross looking food. My most recent suggestion is clear jello with halved hard-boiled eggs suspended in it.

Tom's offering: chocolate pudding with corn in it (eeewww; bwahahahahaha; eeewwww). That one almost made the list, but I know it crosses the line.

Oh, it's been a long week.

Seeing Eye Chick November 22, 2008 at 6:04 PM  

Actually there are recipes. I seem to recall using Almond Rocca to make a cake that looks like a used litter box. And I know someone who made an armadillo shaped cake using a red velvet cake recipe.

So try again.

You have to try pretty hard to gross me out.

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