Setting: a wood-planked stage with old fashioned floor-lights; think "Puttin' on the Ritz" scene from Young Frankenstein.
The theater is empty, save one big eared, squinty eyed Bush Jr. in the audience.
[Mr. Sperm and Ms. Egg on either side of a plastic curtain. They bump into the plastic curtain repeatedly.]
Voiceover: "No touchy Ms. Egg, Mr. Sperm. No touchy Mr. Sperm, Ms. Egg."
Dr. Spermicide: "Die, Mr. Sperm! DIE!
[Mr. Sperm gags, sinks slowly to stage and dies]
[Soft snoring as Ms. Egg slumbers off stage; Mr. Sperm wanders around stage.]
Voiceover: "No eggs here this month, Mr. Sperm."
[Confused Mr. Sperm and Ms. Egg dance together but fall off the stage into the orchestra pit.]
Voiceover: "No eggs, Mr. Sperm and if there were, no place for you to settle down."
[Ms. Egg comes onto stage left, crosses and exits stage right. Mr. Sperm enters stage left and wanders around before exiting stage right.]
Voiceover: "You just missed Ms. Egg, Mr. Sperm."
[Spotlights on Mr. Sperm and Ms. Egg as they come out and do bows. Ms. Egg steps forward, addressing the audience]
Ms. Egg: "Since you try to legislate control over female gametes like we live in Biblical times, Mr. President, I humbly ask you to legislate similarly for abandoned and ill-used male gametes and move to bring back the Biblical punishment for male Onanism."
[Ms. Egg smiles sweetly. Curtain closes; music ends]
If you don't want to kill me after this ridiculous post, please visit the following link to sign a petition to help women keep the medical right to birth control.