Dear Financial Robber-Baron

Dear Mr.-Big-Wall-Street-Eff-You-Mainstreeter Bank,


I am closing my account and taking my business to a locally owned and operated bank.

This is on the heels of many, many things that have pissed me right the hell off in the last few years about your bank (one that got its ass covered by my tax dollars). The last straw: my *two* direct deposits for May (slow month pay-wise in higher ed if you are an adjunct) didn't meet your rules for ONE minimum deposit, EVEN THOUGH BOTH TOGETHER BLEW THE MINIMUM OUT OF THE WATER! You swiftly debited my account $12 in order to show me the error of my ways. When I called about it I was told (by a disinterested and crappy telephone "banker") to: check my account daily (do) and... wait for it..... wait for it.... to ask my boss to "adjust" my pay so that it would meet the YOUR BANK'S needs.

Yes. You read that right. A telephone customer "service" rep told me to go to my BOSS and tell him/her that he/she needs to give me a raise--- to satisfy your arbitrary and uncommunicated demands. Seriously. I never was informed about this direct deposit minimum eight years and a couple hundred grand in transactions ago....

My mainstreet moolah isn't good enough for you? Fine. I just got paid $100 to open a checking account at another bank without giving them a *SINGLE* penny. That's right. I have not given them one, red cent and am a proud new customer. They don't have any fine print, either. No fees for anything.

This gal is taking everything out of your institution, will never do business with you again, and will actively tell the roughly 400 students I teach annually not to do business with you, either. And tell them to tell all of their little Facebook, twitter and other social networking friends that, too.

Sincerely,

An American Who is Sick and Tired of Getting Screwed Coming and Going by You as You Put Dancefloors in Your Third Mansion (the One with a New Helipad) and Diddle The "Help"